Many parents who sleep with their children never planned to
What do families actually do? We read 17 open threads and posts from parenting forums across 11 countries, where parents describe how wide their beds are, who gets the space and what it feels like to be judged. Alongside them are four surveys. The quotes are reproduced word for word without names. None of the figures represents all parents: they show what the parents who post or respond say.
What this means
- Many families find themselves sleeping together, including those who had not planned to.
- A wide bed does not always mean more space: children gravitate towards one particular parent, leaving the parents with only a small share of the bed.
- Most Danish parents believe children should have their own room, yet more than one in four sleep in the same room or bed as a child.
- Parents feel judged both when they sleep with their children and when they do not.
This chapter does not include quotes from parenting forums or survey data from Ireland.
The quotes come from open parenting forums across 11 countries. They are reproduced word for word without names, with the original shown beneath each one. The Danish translations are ours. The quotes show what some parents write, not what all parents think. Threads mainly about babies are marked.
How wide are family beds?
Measurements shared by parents in forums across 5 countries, all drawn to the same scale. The dashed line represents a standard 180 cm double bed.
Dashed line: 180 cm double bed
2 x 2 m, og alle fire sover i den
“We have a 2 x 2 m bed, and we all sleep in it.” Original (czech): Máme postel 2x2m a spíme v ní všichni. Modrý koník, 2024 · The thread
240-270 cm: 15 af 136 svar i samme tråd nævner et mål i det spænd
“I love our family bed, and even at 270 cm, it could still be bigger” Original (german): Ich liebe unser Familienbett und trotzt 270cm könnte es noch mehr sein BabyForum.at, 2022 · The thread
270 cm, bygget selv
“We simply built a 270 cm family bed.” Original (norwegian): Vi bygde rett og slett familieseng på 270 cm. Kvinneguiden.no, 2025 · The thread
2,80 m, og børnene ender alligevel på forældrenes pude
“We each have our own pillow.” Original (german): Jede:r von uns hat ein eigenes Kopfkissen. Public post on Mastodon, 2023
To senge på 1,40 m skubbet sammen
“For us, it was two 1.40 m beds pushed together.” Original (romanian): la noi au fost 2 paturi de 1.40 lipite Printesa Urbana, 2020 · The thread
Source: Modrý koník (Czechia, 2024); BabyForum.at (Austria, 2022); Kvinneguiden.no (Norway, 2025); Printesa Urbana (Romania, 2020); A public Mastodon post (Germany, 2023), not linked because it comes from a private account.
You may use FamBed's selection and count under these terms. The parent forum posts themselves belong to the people who wrote them.
A wider bed doesn't mean more room: the child takes the middle
An Austrian mother describes her family's 240 cm bed, shown here from above and drawn to scale. Three other parents describe the same experience in different ways.
“Our bed is actually 240 cm wide, but in practice my husband and I share 100-120 cm”
Original (german)Wir haben eigentlich 240, faktisch teilen mein Mann und ich uns aber 100-120 cm
BabyForum.at, 2024 · The thread“I think I have about 20 cm of sleeping space.”
Original (german)Ich hab, glaube ich 20 cm Liegefläche.
BabyForum.at, 2018 · The thread“Well, since then I've been sleeping next to him, while my husband has 2.7 m of sleeping space all to himself”
Original (german)Tja, seitdem schlafe ich bei ihm und mein Mann hat 2,7m Liegefläche für sich allein
BabyForum.at, 2025 · The thread“No matter how wide the futon is, the child still comes and clings to me.”
Original (japanese)どんな広い布団でも子供が私にくっついて来る
Girls Channel, 2022 · The threadSource: BabyForum.at (Austria, 2024); BabyForum.at (Austria, 2018); Girls Channel (Japan, 2022).
You may use FamBed's selection and count under these terms. The parent forum posts themselves belong to the people who wrote them.
In Japan: same room, separate futons
Two threads on a Japanese forum for women (2015 and 2024), with 78 and 106 posts. Here, “sleeping together” often means sharing a room, with each person sleeping on their own futon (a thin mattress on the floor). The bar below each quote shows the positive and negative ratings the post received from other readers. It is not a poll.
“They're 9 and 7. We still sleep together. We each have our own futon, but share the same bedroom.”
Original (japanese)９歳、７歳 まだ添い寝してる。布団は別だけど寝室は一緒。
“My brother and I are university students ... It's far too embarrassing. I could never tell my friends.”
Original (japanese)私と弟は大学生です。。。 恥ずかしすぎて友達には絶対言えません。
“...by the time they're 12, we'll have to give them separate bedrooms, but we don't have another room to give them.”
Original (japanese)...12歳になる前には部屋を分けないといけないけど部屋がない
“You only need one air-conditioning unit, and it's warm in winter. Maybe it actually makes quite a lot of sense (ha).”
Original (japanese)エアコンはひとつですみますし、冬は暖かくて 以外と合理的かもしれません笑
One of the most popular replies in the 2024 thread (+125/-4): wait until the child says they want to stop.
Source: Girls Channel (Japan, 2024); Girls Channel (Japan, 2015).
You may use FamBed's selection and count under these terms. The parent forum posts themselves belong to the people who wrote them.
School-age children in the family bed
Across 5 threads, parents talk matter-of-factly about older children sharing their bed, and about the bed becoming too small.
“My child kept running in until they were 9.”
Original (finnish)Minun lapseni lopetti ravaamisen vasta 9-vuotiaana.
Vauva.fi, 2021 · The thread“I've now got a 10-year-old sleeping in my bed”
Original (Dutch)Ik heb nu een 10 jarige in mijn bed liggen
Ouders.nl, 2016 · The thread“My daughter's turning 9, and I still haven't managed to get rid of her.”
Original (czech)Dceři bude 9 a ještě jsem se jí nezbavila
Modrý koník, 2025 · The thread“... we stopped because the bed wasn't big enough any more.”
Original (english)... we stopped because the bed isn't big enough anymore.
Mumsnet, 2024 · The thread“If I could do it again, I'd buy a king-size bed.”
Original (english)If I had my time again I’d get a king sized bed.
Mumsnet, 2025 · The threadSource: Vauva.fi (Finland, 2021); Ouders.nl (The Netherlands, 2016); Modrý koník (Czechia, 2025); Mumsnet (United Kingdom, 2024); Mumsnet (United Kingdom, 2025).
You may use FamBed's selection and count under these terms. The parent forum posts themselves belong to the people who wrote them.
Judged either way
The pressure goes both ways: some parents are told they should co-sleep with their child, while others are called crazy for doing exactly that.
“I think it's a bit of a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation.”
Original (swedish)Jag tror det är lite damn if you do and damn if you don’t.
Bukefalos.se, 2024 · The threadWhen parents don't co-sleep
“If anything, I've felt pressure that you absolutely have to co-sleep ...”
Original (swedish)Jag har snarare upplevt en hets i att man ska minsann samsova ...
Bukefalos.se, 2024 · The thread“I think it's a bit of a shame just to be told that co-sleeping is best”
Original (norwegian)Syns det da er litt kjipt å bare bli fortalt at samsoving er best
Babyverden.no, 2026 · The threadWhen they do
“My family often think I'm crazy because of the way I parent, including co-sleeping.”
Original (Dutch)Ik word binnen mijn familie geregeld als gek bestempeld door mijn opvoedstijl, waaronder samen slapen.
Ouders.nl, 2016 · The thread“You sleep in bed with your partner, not your child.”
Original (polish)w łóżku śpi się z partnerem, a nie z dzieckiem.
Kafeteria.pl, 2009 · The threadSource: Bukefalos.se (Sweden, 2024); Babyverden.no (Norway, 2026); Ouders.nl (The Netherlands, 2016); Kafeteria.pl (Poland, 2009).
You may use FamBed's selection and count under these terms. The parent forum posts themselves belong to the people who wrote them.
Unplanned, but preferred
3.146 parents who shared a room or bed with their children completed an online survey. Their children ranged from newborns to 12-year-olds. The parents volunteered to take part, so they are not representative of all parents.
Fathers' sleep
141 fathers whose child slept in the same room or bed as them rated their own sleep in a sleep quality survey. The figure is a score, where lower is better. The fathers volunteered to take part, and no fathers whose children slept alone were included.
Source: D'Souza et al. 2023, Family Relations; D'Souza et al. 2024, Australian Psychologist.
You may use the graphic under these terms. The studies the figures are based on belong to the researchers.
Norms and practices in Denmark
1,012 Danish parents with children aged 0-17 living at home were asked whether they typically sleep in the same room or bed as one of their children (YouGov for Bolius, December 2019). Each square represents 1%.
57% of those who do or have done this say it is best for the children. This is the parents' own assessment. Among parents of 3-4-year-olds, 23% sleep in the same bed as their child (a separate breakdown of the same survey, reproduced by Sovende Børn; group sizes were not reported).
Source: YouGov for Bolius: Children and Housing 2019; Sovende Børn reproduces the separate breakdown for 3-4-year-olds.
You may use the graphic under these terms. The measurements the figures are based on belong to those who produced them.
Children come into their parents' bed at night
For families in Slovenia, Croatia, Serbia and Romania where children have their own beds, how often do they come into their parents' bed? The survey was conducted for IKEA, which sells beds (1.200 adults, August 2024).
Source: IKEA and onSpot: Sleeping habits in SEE (2024).
You may use the graphic under these terms. The measurements the figures are based on belong to those who produced them.
How we calculated it
Parenting forums: We read 17 public threads and posts from 11 countries, with 923 responses in total. We chose the quotes because they reflect what many parents write, and reproduced them word for word alongside the originals. No usernames are shown. A forum is not an opinion poll: people choose whether to post, and the same person may post more than once.
Bed sizes: “15 of 136 responses” is our own count from the Austrian thread. The dimensions come from the parents; we did not take the measurements ourselves.
Japan: The plus and minus counts are the reactions shown on the post when we read the thread. They give a sense of the mood in the thread, not the views of all Japanese parents.
The surveys: D'Souza et al. surveyed parents who volunteered to take part, including both those who share a room and those who share a bed. The Bolius survey questioned parents aged 25 and over; “typically” reflects the parents' own assessment. IKEA's survey was conducted by a company that sells beds, with only 300 responses from each country.